Thoughts at 30.

There's an insurance friend that quit and decided to do go study about child development. She went into insurance immediately after graduating from Uni. And that's a long 7 years before she did a switch. She's 30 this year.

There'a a friend who was last in a telco company. Was there for maybe 2 or 3 years. Decided to go study accounting. She's 30 this year.

There's another who was in a chain of Stat Boards. Decided to go overseas and study full time for a year. She's 30 this year.

Another was in a telco. She's not exactly unhappy but maybe planning a career change in the area of her current study - Child development. She's 30 when she did it.

I tend to think that 30 years old is the time that many decided to adopt changes especially major career change if they have been unhappy or not deriving job satisfaction in the first place. Turning 30 is a big thing, psychologically, especially for a woman. It's freaking 3 decades of life and that's a long time. It could possibly even be the half mark of a lifetime. The lucky ones who are comfortable and contended probably just breeze through it and didn't think too much about it. Those who felt they have come a long way wants to celebrate it. Those who are not too happy with things so far wants to change it. Those we are clueless remains clueless.

A friend asked: So what about me? What will be changing as I turn 30?

Only 2 things. But I think they are pretty major too.

In terms of work, I'm going to take more risk.
In terms of friendship, I'm going to stop going out with people that I don't enjoy going out with, without guilt.

There are some outings that I really don't enjoy these days anymore. Those that are extremely tiresome are when conversations that are shared are so superficial. All we seem to be able to ask is how's work? How's business? How are things? It's unlike before where friends reawlly dig deep and also confided in each other about all sort of problems. Perhaps it's harder to confide too, especially about relationship or marriage issues because the other half is mostly there.

Then for a period of time, friends around me are just talking non stop about wedding, house, kids and it totally bored me. The same old question get asked again and again.

Wedding questions: Who are you booking your wedding package with? How much? Inclusive of photography? Who's the photographer? Where are you doing your outdoor shoot? Going honeymoon?

House questions: How many sq ft is your place? How much you paid for it? Inclusive of furniture? Which interior designer did you use?

Kids questions: How heavy is the baby? How long was the delivery? Which hospital? Intend to breastfeeed? Have help to take care?

Well some people ask because they are seeking advise for their own wedding, house, impending delivery and that's understandable but you feel really neglected when you are not having a wedding or house or delivery (in my case all 3) and you really have heard enough already from so many other people. The 2 questions that I can't understand why people would ask again and again is how many sq ft the friend's house is and how the weight of the baby at birth. Why really do one need to know that? Can somebody explain to me? What useful purposes are there to know that? Do people really go buy 4D for that? I'm just glad to say that at this point in time now, most of the wedding and house questions are over.

Then there are those outings where you can actually run out of things to say even in a big group!It can be so awkward sometimes. I tend to think this happens when people don't care enough about each other to ask questions. I'm not a saint. I'm guilty of that too.

The truth is, there are indeed some friends that I don't care enough to ask how they really are. The feeling might be mutual so why continue to go out and go through motion?

Going out with friends is suppose to be relaxing when you get to ventilate your problems, invigorating when you have a good exchange of ideas, enjoyable when there are laughter, make you strong when you are weak, make you happy when you are sad, cheer you on when you are doing well, pick you up when you fall, tell you when you have been bad. But as time goes by, relationships seem to get more superficial and become further and further away from my definition. Did I define it wrongly? Are my expectations too high? Is that not important anymore?

It's not just me it seems. I notice that some friends have also stopped making an effort to go out. In fact, some stopped years quite a number of years ago. I'm beginning to think I might understand why.

These days, I find myself happier in front of the tv. I hear more thought provoking things, comedies make me laugh, dramas show me reality and problems and solutions, sad shows / touching scenes make me cry and help me get in touch with my emotions, news and discovery channels give me an insight into many things outside my area of knowledge and industry, reality shows give me a good rush, self help shows like Oprah helps you deal with problems and encourages you.

I can only speculate that the reason why there are lesser and lesser friends that I enjoy going out with is because the things that I am looking for in a friendship and the things I prefer to talk about is different from many of my friends. After all, how many people are in the risky business of business and how many can understand what and why I want to pursue them at the expense of wedding/house/kids. And with so many superficialities, fake fronts, fake smiles in the business world that I have to face and give, I'm don't wish to have to go through the same thing with friends.

To say no to going out with people that I don't enjoy going out with anymore, to me, is a major decision that I'm taking at 30. I have always like to have friends and a lot of them. But now, I think I will still be just as grateful if I have lesser friends as long as they are people that I care and will want to be there for them when they need me, as much they care and will be there for me when I need them.

Do you feel the same way? Or is it just me? And does the problem lie with me? But there are people who do change too.

Any advise any insights people? And how did you celebrate your 30th birthday? Come, share share.