Misunderstandings - Part 2

My family told me it's all but a misunderstanding and I could have just let live and let live. I didn't need to ask why another family member did what she did because we will probably end up raising voices at each other and getting angry with each other.

The fact is, there's hardly any voice raised. I asked why she did that, calmly. She asked back why I did what I did, calmly. I explained the reason and then asked whether her behaviour was due to misgivings about me. She said nothing. I told her how she was not being fair in having those misgivings about me but she wasn't satisfied with the explanation. It ended off with her exploding "Aiyah you are always busy la!"

It was over mere housework.

4 years ago, I started working from home. Work is stressful but I manage the stress well because I'm generally an optimistic person. Not many people think I am in a real job because they can't see the rewards immediately or see where I am heading. Perhaps without the financial returns yet, what I am doing seems like I am wiling away time. Because I am at home most of the time I was also expected to help out around the house more now than when I was working outside home in offices previously. I try to do what I can but it's not often that I succeed.

All these might have contributed to misgivings about me. But it's not fair. I don't think I do any less housework than the rest who worked outside home if not more.

And cut me some slack. When you work in offices out there, do you clean your office? No. You likely have cleaners to do that. In my room where I work, the windows are open, to save on air conditioning. Because of that, my room gets dusty easily and more dust than any airconditioned office would get. Who is the one doing the cleaning? It's me.

People who work from home don't work any less harder. In fact, the hours they put in are more likely to be longer than those working at offices because the time spent on dressing up, travelling, having 1 or 2 hour lunches, tea breaks, chit chat sessions are all now spent on working. Work may continue into the night as well.

Stress is increasing. With greater power comes greater responsibility. With age comes worries. I can't deal with this much longer. I can't perform well when I'm affected emotionally. I need to be in the right emotional state to deal with the increasing demands of work and I can't keep having it disrupted.

The quarrel over housework is deep seated. It's not mere misunderstanding. I was thought to have been selfish and retaliation came in the form of being selfish back to me. But the fact is I was just short of time and very tired. I am just really very disheartened to know that this is how this person dear to me can think of me. And so many many times, I was the one who brought her pile of clothes into her room.

Maybe I should retaliate more. Maybe I should shout out more everytime I do some household chore. Maybe I should shout more at people when chores are not done. Whenever I'm on the receiving end, I will always remind myself to give it back in return when the opportunity arises. But unfortunately, I have a short term memory and fails most of the time. Otherwise, mostly I think. What for, really?

I say this again. I practice live and let live as much as I can. But when I feel enough is enough and I can't take it anymore I leave.